The sun beat down hard, and I didn’t have any sunscreen on, my pale skin could feel the heat pouring down on it. I was at the edge of a gravel trail, the road at my back and the winding trails laid out between harsh shadows and blinding sun. I walked along the side, closer to the shade, I didn’t want to be feeling the ignorance of my decision to not wear sunscreen later on. A tiny blue butterfly tumbled past in some strange dance, not aware of me and not caring either.
A buzzing started in the back of my head. I closed my eyes a moment and rubbed my eyes. I wouldn’t let anything keep me from one of few moments I had alone. I soon came upon a gate way, through it was a hill, and past that a graveyard. The buzzing in my head returned and I continued faster down the path, stuffed some headphones in my ears and hit play on my tiny, screen-less mp3. I stared ahead at bikers, dog walkers and joggers. I felt out of place, wandering down the trail without a destination or purpose. "Good lord it was a beautiful day, for untangling, unravelling, my heavy heart away.". Eventually I couldn’t recognize my surroundings, there were less and less passerby’s and I found myself to be more or less, alone. Your worthless. I grabbed both sides of my head and stopped walking. You should just fucking die already. I keeled down in the gravel and shook my head rapidly. I started pounding my forehead with my palms, murmuring to myself to stop. It felt like hours before the episode ended, I stood shakily and kept walking. I saw a shimmering in the corner or my eye and turned left to face it. A small lake was barely visible over a gentle hill. I immediately started up the hill. Once on top I could see it more clearly. It was attached to a golf course. I frowned at the thought of golf balls coating the bottom and scanned the edges of the lake for any docks. I suddenly saw a familiar mess of red hair on a precarious looking makeshift dock.
The lanky boy turned slowly to face me and raised his hand in a small wave. I rushed down the other end of the hill and made my way to the little dock he was standing on.
Beckett: "Fancy seeing you round these parts miss"
Me: "Lets skip the formalities"
I wrapped my arms around him, and he hugged back softly.
Beckett: "I didn't think I would be seeing you so soon..."
Me: "me either"
I breathed softy into the wool of his sweater, he smelled like herbs and incense, dirt and a bit of sweat, then pulled away.
Me: "What ARE you doing here anyways?"
Beckett: "Well its hot and I figured I could swim or something..."
Me: "In those?"
I pointed to his sweater and jeans, wondering how he could even wear them in the heat. He looked down at himself and shrugged.
Beckett: "Clothes do come off right?"
I laughed softly at his nonchalance.
Me: "I suppose they do"
I looked down at the 'dock' he was standing on. It was no more than a shipping pallet and an old chair supporting each other. I grabbed him by the sweater and pulled him of it. The motion of his foot sent the pallet drifting off along the surface of the lake. Some golfers on the other end of the lake stared at us. Beckett looked at me slightly annoyed, but then turned to see what I was looking at. He stuck his tongue out at the golfers and 'flipped the bird' at them. they didn’t seem to react though. Beckett grabbed my arm and began leading me back to the gravel path. Another small butterfly danced pass as we went up the hill wordlessly.
I winced as the buzzing began again, louder this time, with traces of voices in among the sound. Beckett stopped me at the top of the hill and turned to me. he took my head in his hands and leaned all the way over, touching his forehead against mine.
Beckett: Its a noisy day for you too huh?"
I closed my eyes, remembering for a moment our past together, so many secrets shared between white walls. I nodded softly and opened my eyes again and found them staring into his. Golden and green all at once. I closed my eyes again and he stood straight again, I sighed a little as he did. He understood everything about me, and I understood almost nothing of him. He led me down the other end of the hill and onto the path.
Beckett: "Did you want me to walk you home?"
I nodded again and followed him down the path. We didn’t have to say anything to each other, there was a beauty to the silence we could have without it being awkward. At the end of the path he steered me left towards my house. He always did this, walk me home I mean. He worried to much since I lived on a rougher end of town. It was sweet of him but almost always seemed unnecessary. A group of boys came from around the corner, laughing and rough housing. Beckett grabbed my hand and held me near instinctively. I walked next to him and played with his fingers. They boys looked at me and whispered among each other. I recognized them from school and averted my eyes as we crossed a street. Once they were out of sight he let my hand go.
Me: "you don’t have to do stuff like that you know"
Beckett reached his hand into his pocket and produced a pack of cigarettes. He took one from the pack, lit it and took a long drag before answering.
Beckett: "I know you disagree. You'll understand in time im sure"
I frowned and looked up at him.
Me: "What the hell is that supposed to mean?"
Beckett: "It means exactly that. You'll understand in time"
I sighed in defeat. I knew I couldn’t wrestle information out of him, its just not how he worked. He stopped at the end of my drive way and turned to me once more.
Beckett: Your accommodations, madame. "
Me: "Thanks Beckett, you didn’t have to do this"
He nodded and I started up the drive way. Suddenly he called out to me softly.
Beckett: "Hey, Ingrid?"
I stopped and faced him
Beckett: "Be safe tonight, I'll come for you tomorrow"
I nodded at him, and continued up the drive way, the sun setting behind me and the soft scrapping of his shoes fading till they were gone...